I Never knew that life could throw me such a curve ball in my life. I always was trying to fit in with my friends and be cool like them. Thinking that if I act a certain way, they would like me better. So some days, I would just be laid back and hang out with them, then other days, I would join the crowd and drink a little and try to smoke weed. Then at age 17, I met Vincent, who became the father of both my kids. When I met him, I would sneak out to see him and hang out. Then I found out he was involved with other girls besides me. I didn’t take that very well. So I would always fight them because of how I was being treated by them. Well, in 1991, I was sent to a psych ward for saying I wanted to commit suicide. While I was carrying my son. A few months later, I had my son in November of 1991. I still was back with my kid’s father. I wanted to be with him, so I did whatever I had to do. A month or so after I had my son, I found myself sitting at the kitchen table with Vincent smoking crack. That began my cycle of becoming an addict. I would walk my son in his stroller across town just to get drugs to get high. I would sell half my food stamps to get high. I would spend most of my TANF check and say I went shopping in Newark and I lost my wallet. But I knew I was at someone’s house and smoked my money up. I thought I had everything in order some days because I would do right. Then in 1994, I met this lady name Charisse; she took my son under her wing and loved him like her own. She gave me a job to care for her son and take care of her home. She was in recovery, and she found out about me, and she took me to my first NA meeting in 1996. I went a few times, but I didn’t stay. Because I still wanted to be with the other crowd who I thought were my friends.
I did accomplish some things while using I completed some college classes. But never finished because of fear. I let the drugs pull me down. I had a place, and I let it go by allowing people to use it as a crack house, and then I let my utilities go. Then after that, I got evicted. I lost my eyesight because of my addiction on 10/03. Three things happened back to back, but it didn’t stop me from using. I would do whatever I had to do to get one more, even if it meant tricking or robbing someone. I lost custody of my son because of not having a place to live and my using. Well in 2007, I got tired of the vicious cycle I was living with, so I had a bright idea that I was going to find that place that had the meeting in Long Branch that I went to in 1996.
I started going back to the meetings I was familiar with in Long Branch. I would take the bus down there from Asbury, but then my friend let me stay at her house. I was able to get a job at Foodtown. I went to work and meetings. Some days it was a struggle because the house I stayed at still had people using. So I would stay out the house as much as possible. I stayed connected with people I met in NA. Well, September of 2007 I got custody of my son back. I also got an apartment. I still was working until I lost my job that December. But I continued to do what I had to do. Even though I put down the drugs I still had a problem with relationship issues with my mates. Because I always picked on, or they picked on me. When they were involved in a relationship already, and I didn’t take that well. So I would always want to fight them or their partner.
For a long time I found myself back in forth in court and jail. Until I started working on my step work with a sponsor and hanging with women that loved me until I could love myself. So I have lived that way for 9 years without acting out. I don’t always do things right but I am not where I used to be. I am so grateful for Narcotics Anonymous because I don’t know where my life would be if I didn’t find it. I have met some wonderful people. I still make 3 or 5 meetings a week. Because it still makes sense.
– Rhonda M. I am blessed addict